User talk:Crixus Kyner
A Problem with your recent article Your recent article, Crusaders of Retribution, breaches Wikia Quality Policy. Please read the rules before posting articles. A further breach of the Wikia Rules will result in a temporary suspension. Yours, --Imposter101 (talk) 18:28, March 1, 2017 (UTC) Bouncing Ideas Around - Crusaders of Retribution Hey mate, I'm happy to bounce some ideas back and forth to help you with your article. I figure a good place for me to start is to touch on the current version (as of this message) of your Chapter, so here goes: *Their purpose is a bit too general and, to my mind, doesn't quite work. **Try something a little more specific. For example, I'm trying to work my Winged Knights Chapter to be one that was created to bring order in light of the anarchy during the time of the 4th Founding as well as expand Imperial Territory. **The whole idea of being created as a Fleet-Based Chapter could very easily be worked into their purpose. Created to defend a specific area of space that's relatively vast? Fleet-Based! *Just a few things I noticed with regards to dates: **Generally, the dating system is done in this sort of format: 123456.M41 ***The first three digits represent the fraction (out of 1000) that you're refering to. Think of it like refering to a specific day in a year. Most people don't bother with this and will omit these digits, leaving something in this form: 456.M41 ***The next three digits (or the first three if you omit the fraction of the year) refers to the actual year itself. So 000.M41 refers to the first year of the 41st Millennium while 999.M41 refers the the last year of the 41st Millennium. ***If you want to refer just to the specific Millennium, then the M goes in from. E.g. For the 41st Millennium, it would be M41. **The plural of Millennium is Millennia, not Millenniums. *The sentence about being on the Inquisition's watch list doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. What's that about? *For the Companies, I would look at this page , particularly the image. **So for example, your 1st Company would not have the break down of a Battle Company unless there was a good reason for it. **Also, I wouldn't bother listing the break down or anything like that unless it differs from the Codex Astartes, in which case you might as well just list the differences. ***What you've written for the 5th Company - Guardians of the Fallen - is a good example of all you need to write (though in this particular example, it could be expanded upon haha). *I noticed with some of your Notable Astartes, some are rather old. The one that made me look twice was Apothecary Gaiman, who is over 700 years old. That's getting into Logan Grimnar territory which is off limits if you ask me. A good limit I find is 500 years and is usually reserved for the most veteran Astartes (e.g. Chapter Masters, 1st Company Captains, etc). *Then comes formatting and proof-reading. **For things like Notable Campaigns and Notable Astartes, it might be better to have the names of the Cmapaigns and Astartes as Sub-Headings with the content pertaining to them immediately below the respective names. **Proof-Reading! Some of the sentences (the 'being on the Inquisition watch list' example being one of them) need to be re-written and possibly thought out a little more. There's also the formality of some of what is written (as I mention on the Talk Page of the article). Now for some actual ideas haha: *I'm seeing an Apothecary theme emerging in this Chapter. Roll with that. Make it mean something. *Mention something about the aftermath of The Beheading . Even if this Chapter wasn't created to do something related to The Beheading or the aftermath thereof, it still would have affected the Chapter in some way. *If you're up for it, I think it would be cool if we could get this particular Chapter and my Winged Knights Chapter working together once or twice in a notable campaign or two. Thoughts? Best of luck, IllumiNini (talk) 06:43, March 3, 2017 (UTC) Response to you Originally I wanted these guys to be basically like the Indiana Jones' of the Space Marine chapters. They went around and basically recovered important things for people who couldn't. Either that or they are just brought in to help work the odd job or two. However, in light of the apothecary thing you mentioned I like the idea of maybe changing it to they are brought in to help with medic work and healing. Since they were created right after the War of the Beast when the entire Imperial Fists chapter was utterly annihlated they could be a response to the need for better access to medical care on the front. I just kind of like the idea that these guys are basically the helpers of the space marine chapters the more I began to work on it. They show up where they are needed and fight until they aren't anymore. I'd really like to hammer this part out so I know where I am going from here. As for a collab with your Winged Knights that would be an interesting crossover idea. They seem just different enough that it would be enjoyable to see if they could work together or not. So yes, I would be most down to see the two chapters work together. Langauge thing, I really am trying to generally clean it up. I only really get to work on this for about an hour or two max every day. Basically I'm trying to add and proofread as I go and it is only working so well. Either way I'm really curious about what you think for the purpose. If I could narrow it down I think this article would be well on its way to becoming a lot better. Your thoughts? Crixus Kyner (talk) 23:10, March 3, 2017 (UTC) If you wanted to go down the "Recovery Force" ideam you'd have to find the niche that makes sense. So in other words: If they're a Chapter that specialising in recovery of "...important things for other people who couln't.": *''W''hy would they need a Space Marine Chapter to do this? *How common would these sorts of situations be? **Because if they're relatively rare, then creating an entire Space Marine Chapter specifically for this purpose probably wouldn't happen. If you want to go down the Apothecary theme as I suggested, I suggest looking into the Red Scorpians Chapter, who - among other things - are know for their high rate of Apothecaries. You might be able to draw some inspiration from their lore pertaining to their Apothecaries. *If you ever plan to use the Apothecary theme and use this Chapter as a Tabletop Army, I would also suggest looking up the Red Scorpians Chapter Tactics from Forge World. As for purpose: *Being a recovery force seems to me like it might be a secondary purpose that results from their Chapter's creed rather than an actual purpose. If you write it right, it could turn into something awesome where their Chapter's creed and purpose complement each other well on some of the Chaoter's endevours pertaining to their purpose while in other situations they clash massively. *As for a potential purpose, there are so many potential options for you: **Does it relate to The Beheading? If so, what exactly? ***Taming anarchy? ***Fighting Chaos or Xenos for the foreseeable future while other forces were busy Mopping Up? **Does it relate to the War of the Beast? ***Is their purpose to police and eventually try to erradicate the Ork breed from a rlatively local region of space? ***Are they tasked with attempting to stop dangerous WAAAGH!'s before they gain momentum? One of the things I like to think about is are they restricted to a Segmentum? *For me - especially given that our Chapters are limited to 1,000 Space Marines as a result of the Wiki's Canon Policy - it is always good to limit a Chapter to a Segmentum. **Especially if the Segmentum is the Segmentum Ultima, then limiting it ot a region is definitely a good idea. **That being said, a Chapter can be 'Assigned a Region' that covers areas in more than one Segmentum (e.g. where two or more Segmentums join). I would also reduce the number of Notable Astartes (at least for now). So many Astartes are notable (eben just among memebers of the Chapter) for many reasons, but at least for me, the idea of listing the Notable Astares is to list a number of Astartes that, for example, they brought on some great heresy that the Chapter is ashamed of, or that they were exceptionally skilled (even for an Astartes). In other words, just because an Astartes was a good member of the Chapter doesn't mean he was notable. As for our colab: Let's do it! I still need to fleash out the Chapter a bit more, especially their early history and purpose, but depending on exactly what you do with this Chapter, there is the potential for our Chapters to do something awesome together (at least once haha). Best if luck, IllumiNini (talk) 14:49, March 4, 2017 (UTC) Since the fourth founding was made out of need because the Beast's WAAAGH was so terrible i like the idea that they were created to stop Ork WAAAGH from gaining momentum by razing and raiding Ork settlements to keep the population as low as possible. Similar to your Winged Knights they are there to maintain a sense of order but with Orks. As for the beheading I was thinking that they were made around that time as part of Thane's order to make as many new chapters as possible. From there they really don't have anything to do with it until the very end when 50 other chapters of Space Marine's showed up to yell, "cut it out." So from there I guess the chapter's purpose could to patrol and eliminate potential threats before they get too out of hand. Patrolling Segmentum Ultima is an idea I dig. It's big but not too big that they can't get to where they need to go quickly. So I think our two chapters would work really well with each other since (if we go with my newest development) they both believe in maintaining order although they have two different ways of doing so. Although I feel like they would butt heads at first since it seems like the Knights are a lot more ferocius and extreme than the Crusaders are. So we could even have them patrol with each other frequently. I also had several ideas for rivaleries between xeno forces and chaos forces. I had an idea where they were called in to defend a city on a civilized world but it was a giant trap set up by the Emperor's Children to abduct new marines to corrupt them so they could refill their ranks. So when they hear of the Emperor's Children popping up anywhere they tend to just lose their shit. The other is that one of the Kabals of the Dark Eldar also has particular hatred of the Crusaders for boarding one of their prison ships and freeing the prisoners and then killed their Archon. Crixus Kyner (talk) 16:46, March 4, 2017 (UTC) Collab w/ the Winged Knights Hey, so I thought a little bit more about the collab I suggested before between your Chapter (Crusaders of Retribution) and my Chapter - the Winged Knights. I got a Campaign that is partially detailed on this page (under the sub-heading The Lost Knowledge) that could make for an interesting connection between our Chapters. The conflict I have in mind is "The Cutting of the Angel's Wings"'' during which the 1st Lord Commander of the Winged Knights - Rayas Kourtis - is slain. I was thinking the following: *The WAAAGH! could be threatening planets on the border of the Segmentum Obscurus and the Segmentum Ultima near the fringes of both Segmentums so that my Chapter can remain consistent with its operation near the fringes of the Segmentum Obscurus while yours can remain consistent with the patrol of the Segmentum Ultima. *Our Chapters (or elements thereof) could work together to corner the Warboss Sarkanz in the events that led up to the Warboss' showdown with Rayas Kourtis. From there, I was hoping to spitball with you a bit, get your thoughts, and expand upon it for both our Chapters. So what are your thoughts? Cheers, IllumiNini (talk) 04:20, March 21, 2017 (UTC) That could work for a first collab. This could also be early on in the Crusader's career so it can be a defeat for both the Winged Knights and the Crusaders early on that fuel both of their hatred of Orks. It could very well work and be very interesting for a first time thing. Would you be open for them eventually meeting up a few other times? I had a few other ideas for potential collabs. Crixus Kyner (talk) 04:40, March 21, 2017 (UTC) Yeah, I'd be down for that. What other sort of collabs did you have in mind? IllumiNini (talk) 04:50, March 21, 2017 (UTC) I was thinking: *The Crusaders are sent to hold a forge world being overrun by Orks. Threatening to break your Knights are called in to reinforce them and the two chapters have to hold the line until a Titan Legion and a few IG Regiments can come to help push back the orks. *A planet is next on an Ork Boss' list to recruit some boys from. Our chapters are called in to cleanse the planet and set a trap for the boss to stop his WAAAGH. *I'd like to do one story with chaos (specfically the Emperor's Children) if that sounds interesting. Crixus Kyner (talk) 05:09, March 21, 2017 (UTC) So I added in the first of the conflicts you mentioned to my Winged Knights page: Forged in Fire [ 222.M34 -- 226.M34 ]. In terms of adding more detail to that, I'll leave that for you to do on the Crusaders of Retribution page so that I can then add more details to my Winged Knights page while adding in my own spin. So you move, good sir! As for Cutting of the Angel's Wings conflict, I'll be adding some more content to that in a few hours, so keep your eyes peeled for that so that you can add in your own details and spin to the Crusaders of Retribution page that I can account for in my own pages. Let's do this! haha IllumiNini (talk) 05:31, March 21, 2017 (UTC) I basically scrapped most of my crusaders stuff to start over but I will write the section you were talking about in the morning! I look forward to this and many more collaborations in the future! I'll update here when I write about the cutting of the angel's wings and the forged in fire bits. Crixus Kyner (talk) 05:53, March 21, 2017 (UTC) Alright, so I feel I've laid some half-decent (though adimittedly it feels a little half-assed) ground work for ''"T'he Cutting of the Angel's Wings"'' conflict. What are your thoughts so far on what has been written ? I'm keen to get your additions and thouhgts on the conflict so that we can significantly exapnd upon it and give it even greater detail. Cheers, IllumiNini (talk) 12:58, March 21, 2017 (UTC)''' I like the back and forth between us at the bad luck our chapters seem to have. The cutting of the angel's wings was very solid. I like that the Crusaders got to have a presence without it being overwhelming and deterimental to what the Knights were going through. At the end I would also ask that the Winged Knights ask for the Crusaders help in doing a quick sweep for any wargear and gene seed they can recover. This could also be sort of a token, "bad things happened but we were glad we at least had you in our corner during it" moment. If that is it for the cutting of the angels wing conflict I will start to add it into my things. I have started work on our collab on the forge world assualt so you can add more detail to your stuff. I'm really digging what we are putting out so far and it's nice to have another chapter the Crusaders can rely on since they're a very social chapter. Crixus Kyner (talk) 18:05, March 21, 2017 (UTC) Crusaders of Retribution Artwork CoR_SP 1.jpg|Crusaders of Retribution armorial with Chapter iconography CoR_Tact Marine 2.png|A Crusaders of Retribution Tactical Marine File:CoR_SP_2.jpg|Crusaders of Retribution veteran's armorial CoR Veteran_Mk II.png|A Crusaders of Retribution Sternguard Veteran of the elite 1st Company, wearing archaic, ceremonial Mark II battle-plate Hey man, thanks for the pics! I love them and they work beautifully for my chapter! I was super impressed with the Veteran Marine as well! This has given me a renewed vigor to work on the details for my chapter! Thanks again! Crixus Kyner (talk) 10:22, April 4, 2017 (UTC)